Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
