lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
