She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
