Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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