We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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