if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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