My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
