if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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