It's like God shit irony all over that family
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
