THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
