I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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