I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Randomize
