It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize