He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
