oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
