That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
