You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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