The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
