hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
