I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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