so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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