Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize