Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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