i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
