i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
