Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
