Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
