Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
