He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I love you. Go after that dick
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
