and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
