the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
