they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
