thus making me awesome and them whores
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
