First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
