I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My penis needs a shock collar
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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