Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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