i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
