you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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