I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
