planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
