Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize