Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
