moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
