we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
