Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
