Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
