I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
