so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize