First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
