It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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