Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
