fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
