I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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