would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
