They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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