I'm lost and stupid without you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
