Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
