dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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