im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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