she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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