Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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