all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
