Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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