I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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