Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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