I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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