jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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