So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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