I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
